How to Help an Exiting Cult Member or ex-2x2 friend

Send the Strong

A woman should not try to help a male cult member. A male should not try to reach out to a female 2x2 cult member. They will probably succumb to the lusts of the mind and of the flesh. Many who have tried to "help" the 2x2s have been drawn into their web of lies. The person helping a cult member exit should have at hand the friendship of a former 2x2, a strong Christian understanding, a good grasp of the Bible and teachings of Jesus Christ, a good reputation, good counselors and a strong prayer life.

2Ti_2:22 Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

The lies of the cult entice people's mind and fills them with pride.

Eph_2:3 Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.

No Magic Thing to Say

There is no one "magic" thing you can say. Even if you get them kicked out, those who leave the cult will join another or just become a "Christian" in name only. Share the gospel and follow it yourself. You cannot force them to wake up anymore than you can force a blind person to see. They need to be born of the will of God, not the will of man.

Joh 1:12 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

Share the Gospel

Teach Them the Commandments of Jesus Christ So They Have Something to Believe In

Mat 28:18 And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

No Response?

Some people think that by dating a cult member or living with them, they can convert them. Some people think that if they find enough people to justify dating a cult member that the problems will go away. It's not true. If you share the gospel with someone (outside of having a relationship with them), and they don't respond, then I encourage you to leave them. You can pray for them. But forcing or manipulating circumstances and people just causes problems. I want to spare you. Sure, you may be able to get them to leave, but that wont' make them a Christian and it won't save their soul.

Mat_15:14 Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.

Protect Yourself and Your Family

If a cult member doesn't want the gospel, cut ties. Why should you sacrifice your family and friends for someone who hates God? If they want to go to meetings and defend the cult, why beat your head against a rock? You cannot force the blind to see. And never let their relationship come between you and Christian family members.

Expect Nothing in Return from Them: Give, Give, Give

Expect nothing in return from the person you are trying to help. God is your reward. It is hard to help people who exit cults because they are often very messed up. It's even harder for some previous cult members to help those exiting because they may still be practicing the same abusive behaviors and have not healed or fully healed themselves. There are ways around this if certain primary principles are followed. Please pay careful attention to what I write. I am not just writing to enjoy my words on the web.

Get Help Yourself From God, Ask Help From God

Mat 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
Mat 7:2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
Mat 7:3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Mat 7:4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
Mat 7:5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
Mat 7:6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
Mat 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
Mat 7:8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Mat 7:9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
Mat 7:10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
Mat 7:11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
Mat 7:12 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

Follow Principles. Don't Micromanage

There are principles practiced around the world that work. They work regardless of race, culture, creed or any geography or upbringing. The reward for following them is self-evident and does not depend on anyone else.

The first two commandments of God:

  1. Love God with all your heart soul mind and strength. My comments: Without knowing God, I didn't know how to love others.
  2. Love your neighbor as yourself. My comments: Don't love your neighbor more than yourself. This is idolatry. Don't love them less than yourself, this is selfishness. Treat them like you want to be treated. As the founding fathers of North America said in their ratified July 4th, 1776 Declaration of Independence, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator..."

There is no help without God. Again, I repeat, there is no help without God. The only help you will get will come from God and his Word. This is the quickest way to get help and to give help. Anything else is less helpful and will lead to confusion which does not help.

Instruct in Meekness

2Ti 2:22 Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
2Ti 2:23 But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes.
2Ti 2:24 And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient,
2Ti 2:25 In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;
2Ti 2:26 And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.

These are facts I have gathered over the years. If you see anything that is wrong or needs clarifying etc, Please, please contact me.

Think about These Things

Fact: Get help yourself first. Unless you have been helped by God, how can you help others?
Fact: If you aren't believing in the gospel of Jesus Christ, why should you expect them to?
Fact: You cannot micromanage someone else to healing. God has to make changes in them
Fact: Only God can heal the soul.
Fact: Give them scripture. It cleanses us and helps us make decisions
Fact: Listening often helps a troubled person who needs to talk.
Fact: People who have problems need to be empowered to deal with the problems themselves. There may be some you can fix or help with, but there are some they need to deal with. They need to grow in knowledge, understanding, wisdom, patience. It is something they need to do (as well as us)
Fact: You cannot know everything someone else knows and give them specific advice since you don't know their thoughts and motives.
Fact: Teaching basic principles helps the troubled person to decide what to do and reminds them that they are responsible for their own decisions.

Listen

People who exit cults need someone to talk with. Actually they need someone to talk to. Here is how I have learned to listen:

  • When they are upset at someone, I listen and nod my head or say short phrases to let them know that I hear them and care about how they feel. If they ask for advice, I encourage them to treat the person they are upset at how they would want to be treated. I often encourage them to talk with that person directly to resolve it (that's how I would want to be treated)
  • When they want to share their day, I listen to how they felt, what they did and make comments like "wow, you had a busy day" or express empathy "Sounds like you had a hard day. I'm sorry". I don't make it my responsibility to make the other person happy. I care for them, but I am responsible for my own problems and they for theirs. I can try to help, but ultimately it is their responsibility.
  • Don't be a trash can. If they are upset at someone, don't wear yourself down listening to it each day. Remind them to confront the person. If they don't, you can ask them not to treat you this way (by telling you their same problem that they aren't handling in the right way). You can ask them "Would you like me to tell my grudges against someone each day? If not, please don't treat me this way.

Encourage Them to Obey God in Faith

Cults use withholding of praise to manipulate people. They use flattery to make them proud so they can be destroyed. You can encourage your neighbor for their edification when they do things that help you and others. Excessive praise is excessive and is flattery. Insincere praise to manipulate people is flattery and obvious.

Teach Them

People who come out of cults need taught. They need knowledge that can actually benefit their lives.

  1. Basic hygiene. When they clean up, comb their hair and dress nice then encourage them by saying "you look great today". If they don't feel good about themselves, they probably won't dress well. They need to feel good inside first before it shows on the outside.
  2. Get a job or start a service-oriented business. Being productive in society in a righteous business will improve their feeling of self-worth. This is huge. Often when people exiting cults catch onto how others love good service, they may work long hours and hard days for the praise of satisfied customers. I have experienced this big time.
  3. Help them establish healthy friendships gradually. Friends help us with our thoughts and feelings. They can give us rides or help in emergencies. Friendship is hard for a former cult member. They are more comfortable often with abusive relationships instead. These new friends need to understand the difficulty in the relationship that is likely to ensue and to understand this friendship will be more about giving (in time, emotion, energy) and getting (mostly from God, not friend :)

Faults

Everyone seems to have faults, especially me. I cringe to write down my faults. I would have to immediately burn the paper! or confess my faults to my friends! What helps me the most when I see a cult member's obvious faults is what Jesus taught "Mat 7:5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. " Jesus didn't say to not help others, but to help ourselves first so that we could help others. Another thing is that helps me is in:

Galations 6: "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For every man shall bear his own burden. "

I have often tried to better myself by telling others about other people's faults. Clearly this is not the recommendation of the scripture. We are to expose evil, certainly. The light and life of Jesus Christ is a great disinfectant.

Paul's Letter to the Romans, Chapter 12

(Starting verse 9 is appropriate for those helping exiting cult members.)

Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord; Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality. Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not. Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Tear Down Strongholds

Find the beliefs of the cult and document them. Understand what they mean in their beliefs. Write down what it means to them. Define each word. Often they have different meanings for words that you do. Or you may not know the real meaning of words (because of own experiences). Find scripture to disinfect these erroneous beliefs. Encourage the cult member when they believe something that is true. Show them their error when they say something is false.

Learn Tactics

There are many words that explain and convey the meaning of what the cult members do. They may do or say things not even knowing what they are doing.

Guile
Deceipt Manipulate
Omit
Lie
Exagerate
Mislead
Lie in Wait
Sleight
Cunning
Lusts




Exiting - Home

Pressure

Exiting Questions

Exit Fears

Which Bible?

Sorry

How to Heal

Websites about

Bitterness

Books

Your Anger

The Secret Sect

Bondage

Spiritual Bondage

Videos

Help

How to Help

Cautions

Help to Exit

Expect on Leaving

LINKS

Hope

Novels

One Way Out

One of You

Forced Out

Topics: Home    Salvation    2x2 Beliefs    Sex Crimes    Recruitment    Problems    Married    Conventions    Meetings    Overseers    Workers    Elders    Parents    Friends    Teenagers    Professing    Letters    Stories    Holy Days    Love    Gospel    Warnings    Challenges    Bible    Ten Commandments    Covenants    Calendar    Sin    Satan    Matthew 18    Prayer    Baptism    Lists    Spirits    Evidence    Hymns    Organization    FAQs    Bible Studies    Countries    Australia    Canada    Vietnam    States    Oregon    Texas    Percy Watkins    Chris Chandler    Darren Briggs    Jerome Frandle    Bill Denk    Leslie White    Message Boards    Government    Brad    Exiting    Churches    Babes    New    Christian Conventions    Disciples
To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me. - Jesus Christ speaking to Saul, see Act 26:18, see Salvation through Jesus Christ.
If you see ANY errors on this website, per Terms of Use, please report them immediately along with your contact information and evidence so that it can be verified. Or contact me through this form below.
Page Comment: (if you want me to respond to you, include email or phone)
Name: Email:
2x2ministry.org