How to Help an Exiting Cult Member or ex-2x2 friend
Send the Strong
A woman should not try to help a male cult member. A male should not try to reach out to a female 2x2 cult member. They will probably succumb to the lusts of the mind and of the flesh. Many who have tried to "help" the 2x2s have been drawn into their web of lies. The person helping a cult member exit should have at hand the friendship of a former 2x2, a strong Christian understanding, a good grasp of the Bible and teachings of Jesus Christ, a good reputation, good counselors and a strong prayer life.
2Ti_2:22 Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
The lies of the cult entice people's mind and fills them with pride.
Eph_2:3 Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.
No Magic Thing to Say
There is no one "magic" thing you can say. Even if you get them kicked out, those who leave the cult will join another or just become a "Christian" in name only. Share the gospel and follow it yourself. You cannot force them to wake up anymore than you can force a blind person to see. They need to be born of the will of God, not the will of man.
Joh 1:12 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
Share the Gospel
Teach Them the Commandments of Jesus Christ So They Have Something to Believe In
Mat 28:18 And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.
Some people think that by dating a cult member or living with them, they can convert them. Some people think that if they find enough people to justify dating a cult member that the problems will go away. It's not true. If you share the gospel with someone (outside of having a relationship with them), and they don't respond, then I encourage you to leave them. You can pray for them. But forcing or manipulating circumstances and people just causes problems. I want to spare you. Sure, you may be able to get them to leave, but that wont' make them a Christian and it won't save their soul.
Mat_15:14 Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.
Protect Yourself and Your Family
If a cult member doesn't want the gospel, cut ties. Why should you sacrifice your family and friends for someone who hates God? If they want to go to meetings and defend the cult, why beat your head against a rock? You cannot force the blind to see. And never let their relationship come between you and Christian family members.
Expect Nothing in Return from Them: Give, Give, Give
Expect nothing in return from the person you are trying to help. God is your reward. It is hard to help people who exit cults because they are often very messed up. It's even harder for some previous cult members to help those exiting because they may still be practicing the same abusive behaviors and have not healed or fully healed themselves. There are ways around this if certain primary principles are followed. Please pay careful attention to what I write. I am not just writing to enjoy my words on the web.
Get Help Yourself From God, Ask Help From God
Mat 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
Follow Principles. Don't Micromanage
There are principles practiced around the world that work. They work regardless of race, culture, creed or any geography or upbringing. The reward for following them is self-evident and does not depend on anyone else.
The first two commandments of God:
There is no help without God. Again, I repeat, there is no help without God. The only help you will get will come from God and his Word. This is the quickest way to get help and to give help. Anything else is less helpful and will lead to confusion which does not help.
Instruct in Meekness
2Ti 2:22 Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
These are facts I have gathered over the years. If you see anything that is wrong or needs clarifying etc, Please, please contact me.
Think about These ThingsFact: Get help yourself first. Unless you have been helped by God, how can you help others?
Fact: If you aren't believing in the gospel of Jesus Christ, why should you expect them to?
Fact: You cannot micromanage someone else to healing. God has to make changes in them
Fact: Only God can heal the soul.
Fact: Give them scripture. It cleanses us and helps us make decisions
Fact: Listening often helps a troubled person who needs to talk.
Fact: People who have problems need to be empowered to deal with the problems themselves. There may be some you can fix or help with, but there are some they need to deal with. They need to grow in knowledge, understanding, wisdom, patience. It is something they need to do (as well as us)
Fact: You cannot know everything someone else knows and give them specific advice since you don't know their thoughts and motives.
Fact: Teaching basic principles helps the troubled person to decide what to do and reminds them that they are responsible for their own decisions.
People who exit cults need someone to talk with. Actually they need someone to talk to. Here is how I have learned to listen:
Encourage Them to Obey God in Faith
Cults use withholding of praise to manipulate people. They use flattery to make them proud so they can be destroyed. You can encourage your neighbor for their edification when they do things that help you and others. Excessive praise is excessive and is flattery. Insincere praise to manipulate people is flattery and obvious.
People who come out of cults need taught. They need knowledge that can actually benefit their lives.
Everyone seems to have faults, especially me. I cringe to write down my faults. I would have to immediately burn the paper! or confess my faults to my friends! What helps me the most when I see a cult member's obvious faults is what Jesus taught "Mat 7:5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. " Jesus didn't say to not help others, but to help ourselves first so that we could help others. Another thing is that helps me is in:
Galations 6: "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For every man shall bear his own burden. "
I have often tried to better myself by telling others about other people's faults. Clearly this is not the recommendation of the scripture. We are to expose evil, certainly. The light and life of Jesus Christ is a great disinfectant.
Paul's Letter to the Romans, Chapter 12
(Starting verse 9 is appropriate for those helping exiting cult members.)
Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord; Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality. Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not. Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
Tear Down Strongholds
Find the beliefs of the cult and document them. Understand what they mean in their beliefs. Write down what it means to them. Define each word. Often they have different meanings for words that you do. Or you may not know the real meaning of words (because of own experiences). Find scripture to disinfect these erroneous beliefs. Encourage the cult member when they believe something that is true. Show them their error when they say something is false.
There are many words that explain and convey the meaning of what the cult members do. They may do or say things not even knowing what they are doing.Guile
Lie in Wait
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The Secret Sect
How to Help
Help to Exit
Expect on Leaving
One Way Out
One of You
|To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me. - Jesus Christ speaking to Saul, see Act 26:18, see Salvation through Jesus Christ.|