Girls and Dating
I had trouble in my relationship with women from early on. I just had the example of my dad and mom and what I saw in meetings. I wasn't involved in social activities and school extracurricular events. I was a member of the national honor society and did some stuff there, but that was it.
I didn't know what was involved in dating or how to relate to girls. When I was going to grade school, I had a couple of friends that were girls. One of them was from Venezuela (if I remember right) and another girl "Jennifer" (I think) was in my school and rode the bus home. I remember as a child thinking that I could not marry either one of them because they both had short hair. Short hair was a major issue and fundamental belief in the 2x2s.
Then the day came in grade school that both of the girls turned 12. They started talking about stuff on their own and so I started hanging out with the boys. I remember the first time when I got into a football game. They explained that they hike the ball and then try to reach the goal line. They were bing nice and the first time they passed me the ball, I ran. And nobody could keep up. And then they told me I was running the wrong way! I learned quickly enough after that.
I didn't have any girl friends later. The one girl from Venezuela moved back to her former country, and I don't know what happened to the other one. But after those two kind girls, I didn't have any other relationships. After school I would go out into the woods behind our house and build forts, bows and arrows. I made a raft of logs and kept it buoyed with plastic milk jugs tied underneath.
At conventions I saw guys talking to girls, but didn't know how to relate. I wasn't good at starting or keeping conversations and wondered who to talk to. I couldn't just go up and start talking to a girl. I felt like I had to make a decision if I was going to date or marry her before just being friendly. It was very awkward. It's kinda like trying to build a house to code, but never see a house built before.
Some of the guys at Boring convention would grab or slap a girl's butt. I didn't think this was something that I could do. Not that I wasn't sexually interested in a woman, it just seemed the wrong way to treat a woman. I couldn't understand why a woman would want to be treated like that. Maybe they were just putting up with it. I didn't know and didn't ask.
And at convention, the thing was that if you wanted to date a girl, you asked her for a walk. It seemed that it was all or nothing. Or maybe I was missing something. I didn't know. I didn't have a relationship with my dad or mom in which I felt comfortable talking with them about it. I didn't ask them and they didn't offer.
High School came and I saw more interaction between boys and girls. I started talking with one girl that was in a class ahead of me. She was kind. I wasn't interested in her other that just visiting. But then another girl (an alcoholic) asked me if we were going out. I was professing and the other girl wasn't so it wasn't even a consideration. That more or less ended the visiting between this girl and myself. I did have some other friends that I talked with during class, but it was limited to talk during class.
I didn't feel prepared for life or marriage. I wrote a letter to a gal that I thought was interested in me but never followed up. I was very critical of any perceived flaw (breaking 2x2 rules) and was 2x2 legalistic.
My social circle consisted of my dad, mom,sister, Sunday morning meeting, WED Bible study and the workers. That was about it. There were a couple of friends in my neighborhood, some supposedly Christian, but I didn't fit in to the High School norm and so on reflecting on this, it is no surprise that I became a worker. I didn't know what else to do.
After I got out of the work, I dated a girl for the first time. I think I was 23. I didn't know what to do, and the things I'ld been taught as a child and things I taught as a worker didn't help me. I was engaged to her and she left for France and when she came back, she was interested in another guy and just broke off the marriage. Though it was hard on me, it was for the best.
I hope that sharing some of my experiences is a help to some young folks growing up in the cult.
Brad Lewis - Home|
Letter of Apology
When I Professed
I believed as 2x2
My 2x2 Baptism
Why I Left
Mistakes I Made
Girls and Dating
How I Got Out
Memoirs 1 B&R
Memoirs 2 Offering
Memoirs 3 - After Work
Cannot Go Back
|To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me. - Jesus Christ speaking to Saul, see Act 26:18, see Salvation through Jesus Christ.|